And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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