Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
