he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
