I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize