Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
