just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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