dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
