Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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