were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
