she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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