You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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