I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
