I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
