Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
