He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
