On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
