I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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