Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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