If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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