wanna go halves on a baby?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize