I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Your cock deserves a montage
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
