In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
