it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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