I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
