i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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