I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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