The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
