I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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