I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
