Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize