The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
