she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
