I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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