You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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