If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
