Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
