Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
