I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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