I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
