from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I need to sanitize my soul.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
the raccoons are back...
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