I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Randomize
