i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
