I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize