Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
