There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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