Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
