he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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