your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just had sex bonerless
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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