i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
