32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
