I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
