He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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