How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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