ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
