I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize