I showed him my bush... on skype.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
