Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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