woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
