Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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