I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
