I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
