Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
