its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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