i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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