is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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