420 ftw
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize