Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
