the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
